Thank You

Exhaling a deep breath, I type this last post. Thank you for supporting this blog and taking this journey along with me. Hopefully you were able to smile and remember things of your past. Hopefully you were able to find some encouragement to inspire you to take a leap of faith.

I wanted to show women that there is someone they can relate to in the world. The battles in your mind, others share those with you. You aren't in this thing by yourself. No one is perfect and you still are worthy of a chance. And sometimes you have to take a chance on yourself. You are beautiful. You are amazing. And you won't get everything right and neither will I, but it's okay because we are human. Remember no matter what, God still loves you. If a man's eyes scrolled across these confessions, I hope this gives him a fraction of understanding of what some women think. We are complex creatures. We don't have all the answers and we're not always right. However if you're smart, you'll pick your battles with us wisely (wink). 

I now challenge you to go out and be courageous and pursue the thing that fear has kept you from. You're not too young and you're not too old. You still have purpose if your heart is beating in your chest. Remember that finishing  is just as important as starting something. Be committed. Stay faithful. Don't get discouraged. 

Spoiler Alert: In the book written about your life, you win at the end. 

~Eve 

Vision...

Yesterday I attended a vision board workshop. It took me three attempts to complete this workshop and finally on the fourth try, I was able to complete it. And I must say, it was worth it. Yes, I've heard of people making vision boards and posting them, however, until I finally sat  down and began to flip through magazines, pictures spoke to me. It wasn't just the material things. At times, the words popped off of the page as though they were printed specifically for me.

I'd encourage everyone to create their own vision board. There's one thing to have the thoughts and ideas in your head and there's another to have it vividly in front of you. When I awoke this morning, I smiled as I looked at my vision board. The future for me looks bright. It's not always about how you're going to achieve it, it's about first being comfortable and courageous placing the idea out for all to see.

Today a co-worker of mine couldn't stop smiling or talking about the experience of creating a vision board. What is your vision for yourself? Where do you envision yourself? Dream beyond what society says is "normal" and "attainable".

Sacred

The most cherished objects to me is a heart shaped ring with black stones in the middle that I purchased from my favorite jewelry store nearly two years ago. If forgotten at home, my finger feels bare. I wear it on my ring finger on my right hand. Many disagree with me wearing it there as it may send the wrong message to the "right" man. However, I don't think that it is so. We're all entitled to our own opinion.


I'm not one to be attached to things or people for that matter. I've always been reminded that everything is temporary and will one day fade. However, that doesn't mean that I don't cherish a few earthly things. I love my family and friends and because I'm instructed to, I love my neighbors that test my patience and constantly remind me of why grace was ever created. The one thing that I wear daily is my ring. It's symbolic to my commitment to Christ.

A while ago I was looking for a person to share my heart with. It was placed in my thin fingers outstretched to anyone that was willing to even hold it. Cupped in my hands, I held the fragile piece of myself that no one seemed to want. Disappointed, my arms clasped back towards my chest with the my heart still in my hands. I wanted someone to willingly love me. The love from friends and close family were great, I didn't take it for granted, but I did want someone that was willing to treat my heart delicately and was choosing to make a lifetime commitment to me.

Many times I hear people say, "God is all I need. Jesus you are more than enough. I don't need anything or anyone else." Yet three months later they are crying themselves to sleep because a sense of loneliness looms over them when the lights go out the and facade fades. If God is enough, why are you unsatisfied with your portion?

Around 90% of my friends/family are married of either engaged. Some family members are even on their second and third marriage. While I was happy for them, a little piece of my faith took a shot. I have no problem being honest. The truth was that I didn't understand how they were getting numerous marriage proposals yet I hadn't gotten one, nor at my age had I been able to secure a long term relationship. I wasn't envious, but I was disappointed because I felt as though I was doing something wrong. How long was I going to be the cheerleader instead of being the one cheered for? My friends were married, moving, having children and I was still trying to stay a float on my salary while covering the bills all by myself.

My friends and family tried to sympathize, but how could they? They were married in their early 20s, had someone to split the bills with, and no longer had to play the dating game that got harder each season. All the while, I was trying to keep my sanity and reminding myself that God's plan for me didn't involve the same order in which their life took. Never once did I want to walk in their shoes. But slowly yet surely I felt as though they couldn't relate to me and me to them. They felt it as well. A good friend of mine told meshortly after getting married, "I need to start getting different friends. I need married friends now. I'm out of the single stage and I need a new group of friends I can talk and relate to." Initially, I was taken back by the statement. We'd been friends for years and suddenly my friendship held no rank because I wasn't married? Comments to that caliber continued to pour out from her and slowly yet surely, I realized she was right. I couldn't relate to her nor know the problems she went through as a married woman, no more than she could relate to me as a single woman managing it all by herself. Are we still friends? Sure. Yet we're only able to see life through each other's eyes and realize that being single and married comes with both ups and downs.

So the ring on my finger symbolizes patience and God's timing. It symbolizes that God cherishes my heart and wants it willingly. I don't have to be so eager for marriage and a ring that I jump into the wrong relationship. If it is in the cards for me to get married, this ring will be placed on a necklace and worn everyday as a reminder. If I never get married, it'll stay on my finger as a reminder that I was still chosen and I chose Him too.

Reasons I Never Made It Past The Dating Only Stage....

It's not fair to blame the men for every thing that DIDN'T happen, such as a relationship. Some of it was me and sometimes we just weren't compatible. Here are a few of the reasons below:

The Guys Girl: Yes that is me. Men feel like I'm one of the guys when I'm around. Yes, it makes women roll their eyes and question whether or not I'm a harlot that's trying t seduce their mates. I'm not! I make it clear, I don't want someone else's man, I only want my own. I'm the woman  that can talk sports, politics, and have a laid back vibe. I'm not overly girly, as I tend to trade in a pair of stilettos for flip flops. At times it's hard for them to see me other than a friend.

Too Passive: While dating a guy, I never wanted to bring up a relationship too quick because I didn't want to scare him off. As a result it caused me to settle. Want the honest truth? I settled for a guy that kept juggling me and his ex girlfriend. When we met, they were going through a break up and I told him we couldn't go out anymore until he was officially done with her. Of course he came to my place and said that they were completely over. Only for him to say that he didn't want to jump directly into a new relationship. I saw some logic behind that, but it was his way of keeping us both. I didn't find out until I was done with him for good that 3 days after he came to my house and told me they were over, they got back together. Guess who became the woman on the side? Me! Now I've learned to ask for what I want and let me expectations be known.

Celibacy: In this day and age it is rare for an adult or even teenagers for that matter to be celibate. However, I decided to take that journey. It keeps you from having soul ties with the wrong person and let's be real, it saves you from going to the doctor getting those extra labs done as often. When I throw that out on the table, most men look wide eyed and look for the exit door. Some say they respect it, yet still try to see if I'll bend the rules for them. No, I won't I've learned from my past mistakes. You can't keep letting your flesh win.

Dating Pool: I'm not much of a social butterfly. I am cordial, however I don't go out much to be approached. Hey, I'm one of those people that believe when it's the right time, I'll be in the right place to be approached. Okay, here's the problem too. I have scenarios in my head of how I would like it to happen. I know I have to stop doing that. I casually joke, yet sincerely believe God will have to once again stop time, create a man from dirt, blow air into his body, and then present him to me. Because from the looks of the dating pool these days, in my area....ha! I may just be single for a long time.

The Least Expected

You're probably thinking that I've made quite a few bad dating choices within the past couple of years. Not all of them were bad, but none of them resulted in marriage nor a relationship. Why they never resulted in a relationship, I'll explain in the next blog. If I could have switched some situations around, I would have. Would the outcome have been any better? Of course no one knows for sure. Yet there was one that I wish I would have taken a chance on. He was one of which tried to warn me of the guy that turned my world upside down within the matter of four failing months.

We'll call the guy I didn't give a chance, Mr. X. He was polite, attractive, funny, and he loved God. He had a nice job and no children. The list goes. He was a good catch if you looked at him on paper. I had been approached by others concerning him a few times. He had expressed his interest in me to others. And honestly, I would have taken the bait had I not listened to people I didn't know. Often I heard from women I didn't know well, "He's a really nice guy. I just don't think he'll ever commit to a relationship because he never does." While I heard from males, "I'll vouch for him. He's a good guy. Give him a chance and judge it for yourself." Too many times I wanted to kick myself for not giving him a chance but instead giving Hell In Boots a shot. Many times I've looked at myself in mirror and wondered "What the heck were you thinking?!"

Needless to say, I didn't pick Mr. X. When we see each other, we pretend as if we don't know one another. Honestly, I don't know why we began to ignore one another's presence. We never had a falling out. We even knew each others family and friends. Maybe it could have stemmed from the fact that a few short months after he tried to pursue me, he actually met another woman and pursued a relationship with her. Greattttt all the women were wrong. He was capable of committing to the right woman! Again, I know that doesn't mean he would have committed to me had we dated. While they were happy, I was dealing with the guy he warned me about. And his advice is the one which I shouldn't have ignored.

In hallways, we pass each other with not even as much as eye contact. We never speak each other's name. And we go on as if we never met. In some ways, I guess it's better. I'm sure he knows how things ended with the other guy. When people ask if I regret any "encounters" since I can never rightfully call them relationships, the one that comes to mind is the one I didn't take during my adult years. Like I say, I wouldn't have known if it would have been any better, but every time I see him, I'm reminded of the chance I didn't take. No, we'll never get together in the future, that window for us has passed. I've learned to be much more cautious about my dating choices. I wasn't ready to date anyone at the time. Truthfully right now, I don't know if I am either.

Spiritual Maturity...When You Don't Receive An Answer From God.

We all think we possess it. In some areas we do and we can use a lot more of it in other areas in our lives. We constantly need to grow in various areas.

There have been times when I've asked God a question and I hadn't heard an answer back. I waited days, weeks, months, and even years, yet nothing. I became frustrated. Fasting, praying, reading, studying, and nothing gave me a clear answer as to why God was shifting things and not shifting others. It seemed that once I finally gained a little happiness, God was shifting things in a different direction that didn't include that people that I wanted with me most. God definitely was quick to give me a "no" as opposed to a "yes". Why?

It's all about spiritual maturity. Let me give you an example. I'm pretty sure you can relate. We all have that one friend that has come to us happy about a new relationship that she is in. She's head over heels for him and somehow even when you're talking about the last episode of Greys Anatomy or a clearance sale at DSW, she manages to tie in her new found love interest in the topic.

Example 1You: DSW has an amazing sale on sandals this week. I have a coupon for an extra 15% off if you want to use it.
Your Friend: Thanks! Tony (her new love interest) and I are supposed to go for a walk in the park this week for our date night.

Example 2
You: I can't believe Cristina left Meredith by herself! Now who's going to be "her person"?!
Your Friend: That's crazy. I think Tony is "my person" now. I call him whenever something good or bad happens. 

Right now she is smitten. Anything you say will revert back to her love interest because that's the only thing on her mind at this time. You're happy that she's happy, but you can see some red flags with the new guy that she overlooks because she's head over heels. For instance, he may always cancel at the last minute, he never confirms dates, they only go on dates when it's convenient for him, she's always reaching out to him and he hardly ever contacts her first, and the list goes on. However, if you were to mention it to her, she'd think you were raining on her parade. Unfortunately, she'd think that you were jealous of her new found relationship which is far from the truth. She's in a sensitive place. She's not in a place to receive an answer that she doesn't want to hear. She's not ready to accept it.

Often times, the same applies when we are awaiting an answer from God. We may not be in a place to receive instruction maturely. Of course we want to think that we will not pout nor try to bargain with God. We might even think of ways to keep that person or thing in our lives and try to show God how it can still work. We're only fooling ourselves when we do that. We're basing our feelings on the short term emotions we have in the moment. God is looking ahead. He sees the whole picture while we're only handed several puzzle pieces.

Grow spiritually. Pray that you'll be ready to receive the answer and message that God has for you with maturity in His due time. Can God trust you with His answers of "no"?

Fairy Tale Plots

Every story seems to consist of the good versus the bad. From the beginning it is all established. We get the sweet serene music as we're told the story of the good side. The dark and gloomy music looms over as the villain is revealed. But what happens when the good and villain collide? Well I'll tell you...