Friends...

Family, friends, associates, I have them all. My closest friends become like family. I would do just about anything for them. Anyone that knows me, finds out fairly quickly that I keep my inner circle very small. It's important. You can't let everyone have access to you. In turn, I take my friendships very seriously. I am aware that I can't be everything to everyone. 

My two best friends know me well. They know that I'm a private person and and 97.9% of the time, I will not share my experience with them until it's over. That includes pain, relationships, announcements, etc. It's something that I've always kept to myself. With that said, they respect it. They love me despite my many flaws and I love them the same. 

My friends love me even when I can not be a friend to them for a portion of time. As stated previously, I will do just about anything for my friends. They rarely have to ask for anything, but when they do, I'm only a phone call or plane trip away. Despite the invisible "S" I stamped on my chest, I realize that I am not invincible. The main person that I neglect at times is myself. I forget to pamper myself, take myself out for quality time, and take time to decipher through my own thoughts. I need to listen to my inner voice. At times, the friend you are to others, you have to be to yourself. 

When you offer something, you want to offer your best. At least I know that's how I feel. Nonetheless over the years I had to disband a few relationships. It was draining. I would constantly give, yet they never gave anything back. When I looked at the glass, it was half empty and not half full. They were willing to continue sipping from the glass until there was nothing left had I allowed it. Friendships are give and take.  

30,000 Feet

The thought of flying makes my stomach churn. Maybe it has something to do with being that high up in the air and not having any control. Or it could be that I'm locked in a tube for an allotted amount of time with germs circling with no way to release it. A trick I learned early was to always wear a decorative scarf around my neck so that I could politely wrap it around my mouth and nose if someone decided to leave their manners and baggage claimed and continued to cough with their mouth open and not cover it. And yes, I closed my eyes too for all those wondering.

I love to travel though. There's something about venturing off to a new place and getting lost in the adventure. I have yet to make it outside of the country, but I don't doubt that one day I will. My favorite adventure was to New York City. I've grown up near a big city my entire life, but there's nothing like being in New York. Movies can't capture the essence of it all.

When I stepped out of the cab for the first time, I was overwhelmed. The cabs, people on the the streets, the sound of chaos, it all overwhelmed me. Nothing could prepare me for it. Within 18 hours, I memorized a few routes on the subway. Time Square turned into magic at night and Sunday mornings were reserved for the runners and cyclist. Two days wasn't nearly enough to conquer even one side of the city, but just like a good book, it kept me craving for more.

Thus far, the most peaceful place I've been to is Alabama. I never thought I'd say it but somewhere between Tennessee and Alabama, I felt complete serenity taking in the scenery. It was new, in other ways peaceful. Usually, I'm one that longs to have her feet buried in the sand while watching the waves of the water, but seeing the hills and clay are a very close second.

I've only been to 13 states in my lifetime. While for some that may be quite a few, my personal goal is to have stepped foot in them all. I want my luggage to have a story to tell. I want my shoes to be well rounded. I want my lungs to breathe the air quality of different places. There's nothing like traveling. It reminds me that the world is bigger than just my 8x10 cubicle at work. The world is my front yard. I have to create the time to enjoy it.

There's a whole world out there waiting for you to experience it.

Running from Rejection

I never liked rejection. I don’t believe that anyone does. When I thought of rejection, I always thought of the rejection we received from our peers. For a season last year, I felt like I was being rejected by God. I didn’t know how to deal with the disappointment. I felt that every answer to every desire or question was “no”. Needless to say, it hurt. I didn’t want to hear it anymore, so what did I do? I stopped asking questions. I limited my conversations with God because I didn’t want him to reject something else that I was doing.

For a while, it didn’t seem as if things were going too bad. I had a number of distractions that kept me entertained. I began to read a little less scripture, pray a little less, and spend less time with God period. I prayed in the morning and at night. I still attended church but I didn’t feel the connection there anymore. That was abnormal for me. However, I decided to ignore it and continue on with my non-rejected actions. I vowed to myself that I would become the old me. I wouldn’t care about others feelings and I would do what I wanted, when I wanted, and I wouldn’t feel bad about it because I was freely doing what I wanted to do.

Singled Out...

When I first started this blog, I knew that I was going to tell this experience. Admittedly, I thought that this would be my next to last post. Why? In so many ways, the story and the experience is still fresh. If you are single, or remember back to when you were, maybe you can relate. If it doesn't apply to you, it might help you better understand one of your close friends.

There was no doubt, I was tired of being single. It wasn't because I wanted someone to take care of me financially or that I wanted an extra pair of legs in my bed. It was something I began to long for in my early 20s. Seeing others in relationships and marriages in my youth scarred me temporarily from ever wanting to get married. I saw one too many marriages that didn't last. Determined that I wouldn't end up the same way, I pushed marriage to the back of my mind. However, shortly before leaving college, the thought leached back onto my heart and revived itself.

Unashamed to say, I haven't had many committed relationships. Either the men I was interested in didn't reciprocate the same "romantic" feelings or I was in a hidden deserted season (years) where I was focused on work and moving up the ladder in my career. But then one day I met Henry...

When It Doesn’t Happen…

It’s easy to feel encouraged when you hear what you’ve longed for is just around the corner. No one wants to hear the disappointing words of “It will not happen”. At times we’re hindering ourselves by holding on to something we may have been instructed to let go of a while ago. What happens when you receive the answer, “That person will not be your spouse”? Maybe you’ll hear, “The house you want will be sold to someone else. You will not receive the promotion from this company.”

God wants you to have a full life. He wants you to reach your full potential. However, you have to remember at some point you gave your life to Christ. Your life is no longer your own. You are walking in God’s will for your life and not your own will for your life. Yes, God wants to give you the desires of your heart, but they have to line up with His will as well. It’s important to remember that the priority list you have for your life, is not in the same order as God has for your life.

There comes a time when we have to stop throwing adult tantrums. Please do not count yourself out. We’ve all done it. “But whyyyyy God? I’ve been praying, fasting, and living life the best I know how. There are people that are getting everything they ask for and they rarely go to church and the most that they pray is if something goes wrong. I don’t understand.” Does any of this sound familiar? God is not a genie nor Santa Claus. You can’t rub your hand across the Bible as if it were a shiny lamp and expect him to grant you three wishes. Nor is God Santa Claus where he bounces you on His knee and you give Him a list of the things you want and you give Him a deadline date as to when it should be sitting under your tree. God does not operate that way.

Indulging In My Happy...

Words! No thought about it. I don't need to ponder it. Words make me happy. At the age of nine, I knew I wanted to be a writer. It started with a poem I entitled, "Roses". I couldn't recite it for you now or even remember half of it, but I do remember making a binder full of poems that I wrote at the bottom of my notebook in class. 

One of the gifts that I cherished most was given to me while I was in college. One of my male co-workers heard that I never had a Valentine and what I cherished most was when someone wrote a lengthy message in a card instead of just signing it. I wasn't the only one to say what I liked most, but he took notice even though I wasn't aware that he did. Needless to say, when Valentine's Day came around, there was a card awaiting me at my work area and it was the sweetest card I've ever received. It was the fact that he actually took the effort to find out what I wanted and the words were beautiful. I stumbled upon the card a few weeks ago and I didn't recall keeping it. But just like that day a number or years ago, I smiled once more.



The lyrics to a song, words of a scripture, the words "I'm sorry", and the phrase we hold our breath to hear "I love you". I find happiness in creating a stream of words that will last with someone forever. It's the little things. It's the colors in the sky when the sun sets or how the waters on the beach creep upon the sand. Those moments give me a piece of happiness. That's happiness I can't create. At times, there aren't words to describe its beauty nor capture the essence.

Where do you find your happiness? It's good for your health. Life is too short not to be happy. Pour into others which you wish others would have poured into you. Being happy is an option. You make the choice. You can find happiness in the little things. If you can't be happy with the blessings you have now, how do you expect to be happy with obtaining more? Indulge in your happy.

Accidentally Single...

If you asked me 10 years ago, where I thought I'd be by now, I would have said, "Owning my own business, living downtown in a popular city, married or engaged, financially stable, and happy." To save myself from drying my tears with a Krispy Creme doughnut, I'll just focus on being single and not everything else I failed to accomplish just yet. Don't worry, I'm writing this is a joking manner. 

I didn't plan on being single. Somehow...someway, I became good at it. I mean really good at being single. I was so good at being single that people used to refer to me as "my one friend that's always single". There's nothing wrong with being single. I've learned a lot from my singleness, but I'll leave that for the end.

Over the years, I've been out on dates. Those dates would undoubtedly make for an amazing book if I compiled them. I've experienced a guy running through a heavily populated parking lot pretending to be an airplane while yelling, another guy that didn't talk for hours (literally) because he was nervous, and the infamous one that conveniently left his wallet at home once he had ordered the most expensive things on the menu and devoured them as though he entered himself into a pie eating contest. In case you're wondering, yes, this was all during my adult years.



I've had my long term crushes/interest that ranged from months to years. Unfortunately, yet fortunately, none of them blossomed into a relationship. In my spare time I read over a dozen relationship advice books, only to never be able to put the knowledge to use. Instead of being able to show him I that could Act Like A Lady, But Think Like A Man he gave me every sign that He's Just Not That Into You. At the end of the day, I was the common denominator.

If you didn't know, when you're still single after a certain age, you start getting THE QUESTIONS. If you are married and are reading this, please refrain from asking these questions to your single friends or family members. We literally despise them.

The Questions: